Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight, did you bring your Mylanta and Tums.
Does your memory stray to a bright summer's day, when you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline reseeding, your eyes growing dim? A hysterectomy for her, and a prostrate for him.
Does your back give you pain, do your knees predict rain? Tell me dear are you lonesome tonight.

(Spoken)
I wonder if your lonesome tonight, is your blood pressure up. Good cholesterol down.
Are you eating your low fat cosine?
You know all that oat bran and fruit and muesli to boot, helps you run, if you know what I mean.
If it's football or baseball, you sure know the score. You know where it's at, but forget what it's for?
So your gallbladders' gone, but your gout lingers on, tell me dear are you lonesome tonight.

Once romantic and smart; now a cranky old fart. Tell me dear are you lonesome tonight

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