On a warm summer's evenin' on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the stripper; we were both too wired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin' out the window at the darkness
'Til boredom overtook us, and she began to speak.

"Man, I've spent my time and some weird horny people,
Knowin' what they wanted by the lust that's in their eyes.
So if you don't mind my sayin', I see you want'a go to places.
For a taste of your whiskey I'd be glad to oblige."

So I handed her my bottle and she drank down my last swallow.
Then she lay down on the floor and asked if I wanted a ride.
The night got deathly quiet, and her face lost all expression.
Said, "If you're livin on the game, ye gotta keep them satisfied.

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to gode 'em,
Know when to moan and scream, no just when to grind
You can count your success by the movement in their trousers.

I can show you something special boy that will really blow your mind.
Now ev'ry woman knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' how to please a man from his head down to his feet.
'Cause ev'ry jumps a winner and ev'ry jumps a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is that they will go t' sleep."

So when we'd finished screwin', she turned her back towards me,
Most eloquently farted and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the stripper, she broke even.
As the doctor told me later she'd given me something I could keep.

CHORUS X 3

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to gode 'em,
Know when to moan and scream, no when to grind
You can count your success by the movement in their trousers.
Boy, I can show you something boy that will really blow your mind

Barry Eva

December 2025